I love Halloween its my favorite Holiday. For some reason this year there were no good scary movies on this year wtf happened. I rember when there would be a ton of old scary movies on. Oh well maybe next year. I have been sick this past week with bronchitis and laryngitis withch is finnaly getting better I went to the DR and got some antibiotic and cough suryp.

Why are you so unmodivated, un focoused? Whats wrong with me? I feal like Iam just taking up space and never going to secsued in life like I will never amount to any thing. I guess the best way to describe me is Eyore off Whine the Pooh. Just like he feals his house can fall on him and he just is like oh well no modivation to do better Iam failing school. I dont want to work retail the rest of my life or in a low paying job. I want a future it just feals like I can never have that. I have wondered if I need sme couciling or anti-depresents. Iam so easly distracted its driving me nuts. Any ideas?

Sorry guys I have not been on here in a while. I need to get causght up on here. I have missed LJ friends. School is going realy well at the moment. I have droped down to one class so that has helped me alot. Plus my teacher is a awsome teacher and I enjoy her class so that is a plus. So lets hope I pass this one. Ill try to get caught up on here soon.

Iam having a dificult time with my colleges learning disabilitys program. No one has returned my calls and I have called like 2 a day and have sent emails. Iam getting verry discourged about the whole going back to school thing. I'am lacking modivation to study (let alone do any thing at all). At work I take on too much and ussualy dont get every thing done cause I start projects and dont finish cause I get board with them. I know I need the education but its starting to feal like Iam not cut out for it at all. I so fustrated and discourged from even trying to finish the semster out. I need help but it seems that know one at the school will help me its like Iam a bother to them. I called adviseing to see it they had any ideas as far as classes since I droped my history class about what I could take next semester. I also want to ask them as far as studying help if they know any ideas. Iam thinking of going up there and seeing if I cant talk to some one. Any advise books any thing. Just rember Iam easly board.

I have noticed why I have been in schoool that there are a lot of adults (25 and up) that are going back to school. Iam wondering if it is cause of the recetion that so many adults are going back to school? I have some in my class that are in there late 30's and early 40's some even older then that. Just wanted to know what you all think.

I had a awsome 1st day of school. My Psychology teacher seems like she is a good one and that I will enjoy the class. So far so good lets just hope that the rest of the classes are that good. Still waiting on the History books that the bookstore messed up and got the wrong one so now know one has a History book. I guess in a way its a good thing I wont be the only one. I have my communications class tonight, 6-8:45 one night a week. Any advice on doing well in any of these 3 subjects please let me know.

School starts Monday, Iam so ready too. Iam also nervous as well but it will be fun. Well my best friend has traded me in for a new model. This girl she works with, there always going and doing stuff together and I feal abandoned. I hate it too its like everyone around me is not wanting me around. Like I have no friends. At least I have my internet friends. I have some people at work that I hang out with but not like I can call them at a moments notice and go eat or shop. I like being alone but some times that sucks that I feal that Iam going to die alone. Part of me wonders if Ill ever find some one that wont hurt me? Iam so sick of it, its almost like I dont want to take a chance on any one from boy friends to just friends cause I look at it as whats the point.

I went to get my oil chacnged and found out that I have some leaks on my car. The fuel injectors are leaking, oil pan gasket, power stearing pump gasket, and the trans. pan needs to be drained and serviced. The main thing that they are concered with is the fuel leak. That alone will cost me aabout $150.00 bucks total Iam looking at 650-700 bucks to fix everything on it. I dont know why every time things get going half way good karma kicks me in the ass again. What have I done that has caused this much bad luck its like me and my Mom are both cursed and I dont know why. I mean I know thats life but gezzs cant we get a break are we bad luck atracters or something? I mean this is crazy ever since I quite working two jobs my life has sucked bad. The thing is I dont know if I can work 2 jobs again and go to school too. Iam getting to the point that I dont know what else to do I know I cant drop out of school. Also dose any one know of some good health insurance for students? Cause I got to get that too.

I cant belive I only have a week from Monday then its back to school. Oh I also turn 27 the day after I go back to school. Yippie (not realy but oh well), I get my books this Monday the 17th. Kinda looking forward to getting them. I like looking in them to see what Iam getting my self into. At least this year Iam not taking any math. I probley will take it in January. I just hate math. i just hope I do better this year in my grades then I did last year. I know I have to try harder then I did last year but thats just what I have to do. Any tips on getting threw schoool and working since Iam working more hours this year then I did last year?

I would put in pictures of me and my family, a letter, a dvd of NCIS, a dvd of Xena (my 2 favorite shows), Music a country, pop, and a rock cd, also a time mag, and a mp3 player. That would be it in my time capsule.

I think I have had my fill of Arkansas. I want to move somewhere else next year after schools out. I'll transfer to a difrent college. I have thought of a few places, the good thing is that I can transfer with my place of employment, so that is good. The places I have thought about are Dallas TX, Knoxville TN (My mom lives just south of there and I would know people there) Nashville TN, some where in California, Tulsa or Oklahoma City. Those are the places that I have been reading on so far. I have lived near Knoxville (about 45 minutes south) for about 8 years give or take. I have never spent much time in any of the other places I have listed. Also I have never been to California. I feal like a gyspy I am always wanting to go some where else weather its job or town. I think what I dont like about where I live is it is a dry county no bar, no club, no nothing and I do some times like to go out and dance to let off some steam. Plus there is no zoo any where around here. I love going to the zoo or some thing. You have to drive to Springfield, or Tulsa to realy do any thing. Plus Iam going to school for Criminal justice so I want a place that has a good College or University for that. I also dont want to move north I want to stay some where that dose not have much snow. We have Ice storms here that are brutial. Any ideas?

Just wanted to up date. I went for a walk yesterday it was so nice and peacfull. Even if I almost steped on a garder snake. I was just glad it was a gardner and not any thing else, cause I would have freaked out I hate snakes. Iam going to go tomorow too since Iam off. I want to go mainly on the days that Iam off since I walk so much at work. Now I need to replace my MP3 player my phlips crashed witch sucks. I want the Ipod touch. (I have all ready up graded my phone so I cant get the Iphone.) My LG vu phone has a mp3 player on it, just wont go to the next song after its done you have to tell it too. Besides I liked haveing my phone sepreate from my player. It made things easier if some virus got a hold of one thing. I start school Aug. 24 right before my birthday yippie. I cant wait to go back suprising. I like to stay busy I think too much when Iam not busy. Well ill try to update more often.

Well things are starting to get better, I got a promotion at work my hours are some better. Iam now a merch cordinator. Still worying about money but I always over think stuff. My mind has a tedency to drive me nuts. I cant wait till school starts then I might be able to concetrait on school not every thing else. I'am a little worried though that I wont do very good in school I dont have any study habbits at all. The classes Iam taking this semester are History, communications, and pyhcology. Lets hope I do better then I did last year. Iam not taking any math this year at all. I might this spring but I dont know. Iam just afraid that my life is always gonna be like it is that no matter what I do Iam not going to be able to do any thing at all. Gezz I sound depresing but its how I feal. Some times I wonder what I did in a past life that was so bad that mine has turned out like it is. I guess the only one who can change my life is me. Now just how do I do it? I know school is the big one but what about money wise how can I fix my credit score? How can I get my butt in shape? I did belong to a gym but I never went so Iam canceling it. I might join the one at school since it is cheaper then what I was paying. I was paying $45.00 a month but if I go threw the school it will be $80.00 a semester. I would like to move to a complex that has a gym in it. Thats what I want to do next year, I hope by then I have a better idea money wise what I can afford and what I want to do. Hopefully better credit score as well.

Pulling the heads off gummy bears. Its the only way I can eat them, I have to pull there heads off.

Iam watching a movie on life time and its about 7 things to do before Iam 30. So it got me to thinking have any of you made list of 7 or what ever before a certian age. Here is my list.
Now keep in mind I turn 27 in August so I technicly have 3 years and one month till then.
8 things to do before Iam 30.
1. Finish my associates degree.
2. Buy a horse.
3. Learn to cook.
4. Get my credit score better.
5. Get started on my BS degree.
6. Buy a new or used car that is less then 3 years old.
7. Get a job in Criminal Justice.
8. Stick to a saving plan.

So here is just the ones I have thought of for the 3 years I could come up with a ton for a year. What about you guys.

I have cleaned up my friends and communities list. Iam so glad to have it more managable. I also want to thank my verry best LJ friend Lindsay for turning me on to AIM. She always has the best ideas.

Just wanted to let u guys know that I have AIM along with BeBo that comes with it. I'am still trying to figure it out. Any tips about using it, I would gladly take. My user name is jordya27 if that dont work my main email is louiserakes@cox.net

I hope everyone has a wonderfull day. I have decided since I will work more days now that I will try to start going to the gym. I will put my gym bag in the car with me in the mornings and go after work. I just hope I stick to it. Any advise I would love. My main question is how long should I start with on working out? Is 30 mints good or do I need longer to start out with.

Sorry about how long my post is. I tried to figure out how to cut it shorter but could not figure it out.

As most of you know I am adopted. I was adopted from birth so I don’t know who my Biological family is. Also according to the lawyers that handled it I will never know since it was a closed adoption. I’ve been thinking that I am so alone my adopted family never calls me (except my Mom). When I lived near them they did not care about spending time with me I don’t know why I tried. I would invite them to go to the movies or eat and they never really cared especially when Mom and I lost the money from the sell in the farm (stock market). It was like we were not good enough to be in the family. Growing up I never lived around them. I spent from 82-99 in Arkansas they lived in TN. My Dads side of the family is spared out and after his death I don’t hardly speak to them at all. While my Moms family don’t care. By the time I was 21 I did not want anything to do with them I frigured that they spent 16 to 21 not getting to know me why should I. Plus my Grandma pissed me off beyond words when I was 15. My father died of a massive stroke which caused his brain to hemrage and un- opritable. First they told my Mom that instead of coming to his funeral that they would just send us money. He died Christmas 97, then in May of 98 we were in TN for a wedding and my Grandmother was bitching about how we need to get rid of a paid for farm and move out to TN live in the suburbs and that my father was better off dead she also continued to bad mouth him. He was dead now yes I would rather of him dying then being a vegetable but she did not say that she said He’s better off dead. My uncle & I had to dig his grave for his urn since the grave keeper at the family cemetery died of heartache the day before. She had no right saying that. Then my step grandpa latter that night got mad when I was trying to talk to him and told me to shut up and that he wished we would leave and not come back. Why are we treated like the black sheep? Then at a time when me and my Mom were not getting along (she was dating a guy I did not like) she tried to commit suside when they split up. She had lost her home her car, truck, horses, we lost everything and on top of that her MS was coming back. When she went to the hospital in Athens, when the family was fixing to leave (they had to take us back to our car) my ant said hay after drop them off we can meet in Knoxville and eat. They did not even ask us if we were hungry. (Knoxville is about an 1 hour or so from Knoxville) Then when she got released from the hospital she had to stay with some one cause she was homeless. Me and my husband at the time were living in a 1 bedroom apt. The rest of my family live in big houses. My aunt and Grandma have 2 story homes with 2 living rooms bedrooms and baths upstairs and down stairs. They would not let her stay with them her own sister and mother. Knowing that we lived in a income based housing. That she could only stay with us for about 2 weeks they still never would let her stay more than a night. She stayed with us for a month and a half. When my manager finally let her stay the max amount of time we were going to move because my landlord said that she had to go or we all were out. My ex and I were both about to pack up. My own father in-law let my Mom stay with him in his trailer. Did her family NO she slept in a car and in a shelter cause they could not open there hearts and homes to her. Now my mom lives in an apt, she has a little dog to keep her company. She could not tell her family because they would want her to get rid of him saying you don’t need him and he’s just going to make ur allergies bad. Whatever my Mom has always had animals. My Grandma hates animal’s especially inside ones. I feel like I have no family like I don’t belong. Even my best friend’s family that I have known for like 18 or 19 years hate me. That why I am such a loner why get close to any one when all they are going to do is hurt u? I know deep down that when my Mom dies I will not have any family left? I am sick of broken promises. I have had people say we will do this or that and never do it. That’s why I take everything with a grain of salt. I have always done things my way. I don’t know what has happened to me here lately but being the way I am ant getting me anywhere. I feel family is just something that everyone else have and I don’t. I have got use to spending the holidays alone. It’s really not that bad as you think it might be. I mean I never grew up having a family so how can I miss something that I never really had? When my Ant found out I was going back to school she said let’s see if she finishes before we get to excited. What the hell? The rest of them wanted to know what I was going for. I just had to get this off my chest. Thanks for reading.